During my first year of college I saw a girl in a play and instantly became enamored with her. The program told me her name but her bio gave me very little information to work with. I waited around after the show to see what she looked like up close. I tried to think of things to say that would make a good impression but I was only eighteen. That was a long time ago. I was no where near as smooth then as I am now, which I know is very hard for some of you readers to believe.
When Lady K came out of the theatre building my heart started pounding even more than it did when she first stepped out on stage. I had to meet her, but I couldn't muster up the gumption to say hello or congratulations or anything. Rather, I leaned back against some doric column and watched her head off into the night with a small entourage. But then a few months later I saw her walking down the street....
During those few months I had not forgotten about her at all. My inept ways had kept me pretty much dateless so Lady K was still the one I dreamed about at night and during Geography class. Seeing her walking down College Avenue had to be serendipitous; I was not to let this good fortune pass by without putting in some effort to meet the lady who had consumed my thoughts for countless hours. So I pulled over into the nearest open parking spot and waited. Just before she passed by I slid down in my seat and made it look like I was trying to pull a Whitesnake cassette tape out of my player. Luckily she did not notice me before turning down some forgotten avenue a few blocks away. Being the Sam Spade of stalkers I pulled out into traffic and followed after her. It was not long before she stepped off the sidewalk and onto the walkway that lead to a quaint brick bungalow. With the number of the house solidly memorized I whipped the car around and headed to the nearest flower shop. I returned, an hour later with a bouquet of white daisies and babies breath and a beautifully penned card that included my phone number. It took a whole lot of deep breaths for me to park in front of that house and walk to the door. After I knocked an elderly couple opened the door and smiled at me. I told them I had a delivery for Lady K. They said she lived in their basement apartment and they would make sure she got the flowers. I turned and hurried back to my car before my face exploded from the heat that was filling my cheeks.
Two hours later Lady K called me and agreed to go on a date. Over dinner at the Old Ebbitt Grill in Washington D.C. she asked me how I knew her address. I told her the whole story. I told her how I saw her in "Little Shop of Horrors," was dying to meet her, then saw her, then stalked her, then got her flowers. Instead of getting up and hitting me with a big shot of pepper spray she actually folded her hands and put them under her chin and smiled. She said she was absolutely flattered by the effort I put into tracking her down. Our first date was great and we went on several more. In fact, we almost became boyfriend/girlfriend but then I found her in bed with the Head of the Theatre department at MWC.
At one point in time stalking was not such a bad thing then like everything good somebody had to ruin it by taking things too far. Nowadays it seems that technology isn't helping keep people's privacy safe. The news has been reporting a lot of unnerving stories about everything from Google saving every search you have ever typed into your computer, Iphones tracking your whereabouts, and now the New York Times reports that packages of electronic cigarettes will now alert users when someone else who smokes electronic cigarettes is within 50 feet. Isn't this a form of electronic stalking? Something does not seem right about this.
Are these electronic cigarette devices necessary? E-smokers don't exactly blend in to the woodwork. Personally, I find these particular brand of folks, when in bars and coffee shops, to be the most annoying people in the room. Just go outside and have a Camel Light! Now their cigarette packs are going to light up and buzz? These things cost 80 dollars and they also report information back to Blu, the company who makes them. When is enough going to be enough?
The evolution of technology has me a little on edge. I don't want Apple to know that I went to Home Depot, Tipre's Hardware, and Walgreens to buy birdseed. AND...I don't want two e-smokers in the same bar I am drinking in. Go away choppers! If you are going to smoke man up and smoke some real Carolina tobacco. I think it's almost time to get rid of all these confounded devices and go back to typewriters, rotary phones, Pall Malls, stationary and intelligible customer service agents to answer our questions about consumer products. My old days weren't so bad...but back then there was no Priceline.com.
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